Remediating tomorrow’s Algebra students
So, internet, I’m not a teacher anymore. I had all I could take and gave it up at the end of last year to stay home with my own little student. That’s right, America, I am the proud mother of a 3 month old awesome baby boy that I have made a thousand mental notes to NOT allow to become one of the little turds that made me quit my job. But, I feel like that last year deserves to be documented somewhere. So, I’ve decided to post my memories during naptime.
My little angels in 5th period, the class that made me want to stop coming to work, decided to throw me a baby shower. It was a surprise baby shower. There was pizza, sandwiches, ice cream, chips and dip, cookies. No baby presents. This was, generally, a very selfish party. The pizza was snuck in illegally. I have no idea how, but I DO know that my baby shower resulted in: me getting none of the food, the baby getting no gifts, me getting called to the principal’s office to explain my unauthorized party. Both of them. Because they had thrown one for me before…on the day I was unexpectedly out for my grandmother’s funeral.
because I’ve been gone for a while. Due to my move, my internet access has been spotty and I don’t blog from work. So, I’ve taken a little break from the internet. But I’m back. I feel almost sure that only approximately 3 people (or less) are reading this anyway.
So, today we had one of those teacher inservices that are are awesome primarily because we get a real lunch break and the people talking nonsense are adults and, therefore, much funnier. Because it is not my fault when they sound stupid.
Our little lesson on Positive Behavior Intervention was interrupted on slide three because a few people had comments that they just could not contain — they burst out and were just as ugly, ridiculous and contagious as that alien thing from the movies. The result of those comments was 45 minutes of time spent listening to people vent about things that will never change. I said nothing. That, people, is why I have a blog. You can choose to not read my blog. Most of America chooses to NOT read my blog. My blog does not delay your lunch break. Let me give you a little sample of the comments:
“How are we supposed to remediate and teach our advanced students at the same time?”
“Doesn’t a teach have the right to know when her student has a mental illness or tendency to extreme violence?”
“When am I supposed to have the time to {fill in the blank with ridiculous demand}?”
“Okay, in my case specifically, I have a student who…..”
“I’ve been teaching for 26 years and I have never had such lazy students! They don’t do any work!”
Friends and colleagues, we all have the same questions. They will never be answered. The answer is “I don’t know what to tell you, ” but your administration will never say that to you. Please, please, please, stop delaying my chips and salsa with your comments. When they ask if anyone has anything to add, you should get out your keys because it is time to leave.
Sometimes, teenagers are weird. That may come as a shock to some of you. So, it can be difficult to distinguish personal weirdness from collective weirdness. Consider: hot dog water. I would have assumed that announcing that a person, place or thing smelled ‘like hot dog water’ was a weird personal quirk. But, my adventures in more than one school taught me I was wrong. I have now crossed a state line and ‘hot dog water’ is still in use. If you live/work in a place without sweet tea and grits, listen for it, please. Is it regional? national? global? How long has it been around? How do kids today even know what hot dog water smells like? I thought people stopped boiling them almost immediately after the invention of the microwave. (SOME people grill them and some call them ‘tube steaks’ but those people are for a different post.) Nevertheless, the phrase is currently in use everywhere I go. Wait…..maybe it came over with me like diseases in a blanket. I hope not, because then there’s no telling what else I brought over.
Well, anyone who cares, a new school year has started and thanks to a little move out of state, I’m actually pretty happy with my new job. I’m a ‘floating’ teacher, but that turns out not to be as bad as I thought it would be and the kids seem pretty normal. I’ll update you when something interesting happens. Because so far, it’s kind of boring. Which is just what I have dreamed of for a while.
My students are taking exams. It’s almost over for another year, folks. during this very class, I caught students passing something back and forth. It was…..salt. The fancy rock kind. They are putting it on their hands and licking it while they work.
First, that is a weird snack. Second, I know how filthy this school is. I can’t believe you would lick anything off your hands. Why are these kids so weird?
Also, the air conditioning in this room, like many others, is set to maintain a temperature. Mine is 72. Every time the air starts to blow, half of the class complains that it is freezing. When it ceases to blow, the other half complain that it is too hot. I think they just want to whine.
Yes, I’m sure it was salt.
Here’s a fun local news story about my darling scholars:
A Local High School student was arrested Wednesday for assaulting a teacher.
At approximately 2 p.m., the Local Police Department arrested 17-year-old Local Student, of Local address, on the charge of simple assault on a teacher. The charge is a felony offense.
An unnamed teacher at Local High School was escorting Student to in-school detention when the alleged incident occurred. While walking down the hall, Student kicked the teacher, according to Local police.
Student was charged as an adult and sent to Nearby County Jail. Suspects arrested in Local City are sent to Nearby County Jail when the Local County Jail is full.
Local School District Assistant Superintendent Dr. X said the SHS administration acted swiftly to discipline Student, although he wouldn’t specify what measures were taken.
“All I can really say is that he is no longer in school,” Dr. X said.
// Dr. X commended the high school’s staff.
“He was dealt with immediately by the administration at the high school and I commend them because the priority of the Local School District is the safety and welfare of our students and faculty,” he said.
In an unrelated incident, the Local Police Department on Wednesday arrested another 17-year-old for possession of a misdemeanor amount of marijuana and possession of a .45 caliber handgun.
Police arrested Another Student at approximately 4:15 p.m. After attempting to walk away from a traffic stop, Another was arrested and placed in the back of a police cruiser. Another then proceeded to kick out the windows, causing more than $500 worth of damage to the vehicle, which is a felony, according to Local police.
Another was charged as an adult and was being held on a $15,000 bond.
The kids have been acting as if school is out since about mid-April. I’ve decided to get into the spirit by acting like my own substitute teacher.
We’re now down to ten school days. 4 are exams. 1 is a half-day and nobody will come.
I’m feeling way apathetic.
My SmartBoard projector was installed yesterday but the school has to run power through the ceiling to make it turn on. They might get to it over the summer. It might have “West Side” carved into it before then.
The students will all be required to wear i.d. next year, so we spent some time predicting what that will look like. Here are some predictions by students that I view as pretty accurate:
1. By mid-August, best friends and couples will be swapping name tags. Some people will be wearing multiple name tags and others will be wearing none.
2. By September, less that 50% of the students will be able to correctly identify the location of their i.d.
3. By mid-September administration will give up their sad effort to enforce the rule about i.d.
4. In January, there will be a brief, ill-fated revival of the sad attempt to enforce the i.d. rule.
A kid in our school was playing the ‘pass out game’* when he fell and hit his jaw on a lab table and had to be rushed to the emergency room for breaking his face.
A second kid decided that the episode of House her teacher was showing in Biology was too gross and passed out.
There are three Mondays left if you count this one. Which I do. Some people count only 14 days of school left because getting up and coming here is the hardest part. I disagree. Staying here is much harder.
On Friday some men came and installed my new SmartBoard. I was very excited. Sure, the school told me I was getting one about a week ago, but I’ve been in the system long enough to have an “I’ll believe it when I see it” attitude. Now, it’s on my wall looking cool and modern. I can’t use it because it will be “a coupla weeks” before they get the projector installed. I’ve locked up the little markers and eraser. Now, I just have to keep them from writing West Side or Blackjack on it in permanent marker long enough to use it.
